On Tuesday, I’ll kick off my sixth year of teaching. I’ll stand outside the door of my classroom, anxiously awaiting the even more anxious freshmen who will be finding their way to me like turtles scratching their way to the sea for the very first time. They will be awkward and scared and uncomfortable. And I can empathize one-hundred percent!

The first day of school jitters don’t get easier with repetition. At least, they haven’t for me. Not in six years. Maybe it’s because I’m kind of an awkward person by nature, but I dread this day every single year. I only have one chance to make a first impression on the more than one hundred students who I’ll spend time with this year. If I screw it up, it’ll seriously affect our classroom culture until they walk out that same door in June.

So, no pressure, right?

Every year I have a one-person debate. What should my first impression be like? Should I smile sweetly and welcome each of those baby-turtle-like-freshmen into my room with kindness? (Seems like a no-brainer, but bear with me.) Should I maintain a more stoic demeanor in order to set the tone of firm-yet-fair so my students don’t walk all over me? (A serious concern when you consider my own relatively young age…)

So what do I usually end up doing? Well, I like to careen wildly from one side of the scale to the other. For any How I Met Your Mother fans, my overall demeanor is much like Ted Mosby when he gave his first ever lecture as a professor of architecture. Yep, I bring on the crazy! I don’t even mean to do it; it’s just what comes out as I battle my own nerves and panic about connecting with the kids.

This year is going to be different. Well, I’m planning on it being different at least. I spent a fair amount of time thinking about what I want kids to feel when they spend time in my classroom this year. Then in a staff meeting last week, we were asked the question, “What do you want students to know when they leave your class?” And yes, I want them to know how to read to learn and to wonder. I want them to know how to write to share their stories or to share a feeling. I want them to know how to create a strong argument and defend their positions while still listening with an open mind and heart.

I want all of these things for them, but most importantly, I want them to know how to be kind human beings. I want them to reach out and help someone else in need, to smile at the person who has their head down, to perform random acts of kindness, and to see the beautiful and the joy in the world. Is this naive? Probably, but take a look at the name of this blog. Naivete is kind of in the description here.

So if I want my students to be kind and gentle and sweet, I (of course) have to model it first, as any good teacher does. On Tuesday, I’ll stand outside of my door. I’ll smile at each student. I’ll let them know how excited I am to meet them and how optimistic I feel for our year together. I won’t scowl so they know to be scared. To be honest, that never really works for me anyway…

I’ll be happy and kind and excited. But,  I’ll do it wearing all black, so they still get that I’m edgy. 🙂

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