Mindy Kaling once talked about the fantasies she has while running. She admitted that the motivation to be in shape was not enough to keep her going (hello, relatable!) so she concocts these wildly fanciful stories to keep her spirits up as she slogs through the miles. I recall that she once vividly described a fantasy in which she had to avenge her husband’s killer when she appeared on Conan. If that doesn’t motivate you, I don’t know what would!
Like Kaling, I too am forced to fantasize to keep up my spirit while slogging through. However, unlike Kaling, I do not run while fantasizing. Mostly because I don’t really run at all right now because I hate running like 95% of the time. No, my fantasies come at an even more valuable time for me: Staff Meetings.
That’s right, it’s back to school time for teachers, and this week is perhaps the most dreaded week of my life as an education professional. Worse than the week before Christmas break. Worse than the week after Christmas break. Worse than a week full of standardized tests, impromptu fire drills, and parent teacher conferences. It’s Teacher Inservice Week.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my job (most days) and I love my coworkers (also most days). What I don’t love are meetings. Meetings that could have been emails. Meetings that careen right off the edge of “on-topic” and devolve into discussions of what-if-this-one-random-thing-happened-one-time-and-totally-changed-this-situation. Meetings where I have to involuntarily share things about myself in the name of bonding. UGH.
So this week, as I sit in meeting after meeting, dreaming of a world in which my classroom is already set-up, my syllabi are already printed, and my first day of school outfit is planned out and like-so-totally-cute, I fantasize. Mostly to keep from sobbing into my coffee, but also to make the minutes pass by just a little faster.
Here are my top three fantasies from today:
1. A tall sombrero-wearing man on a horse rides into the conference room, pushing aside the tables until he reaches me, seated near the back of the room, window-adjacent so I can pretend I’m actually outside. He points down at me from his steed, says “you’ve won the life lottery”, takes my hand to pull me onto the horse behind him, and we gallop away, my hair floating gently behind me.
(I never said my fantasies make sense…)
2. After enduring yet another lecture on how to properly submit a behavior referral, I can’t take it anymore. I stand up in my seat, throw my hands in the air, and shout “I’m out, fools!” Then I jump onto my table and make my way towards the door, hopping from table to table, stomping on chromebooks and schedules, ignoring the bewildered stares from my colleagues as I sprint from the room.
3. I’m elected official Cookie Taste Tester of the World. My job is to sit on a velvet throne and (you guessed it) taste all of the cookies. ALL OF THEM. I am great at this job and I never gain weight. Everything is perfect.
(Disclaimer: I really do like my job. I swear. I just struggle to sit in meetings all day because it is unnatural for me to be so still and to try to be normal for such an extended period of time. Case in point: I got a serious case of the giggles during a district-wide meeting today. It was rough. I totally get why students have a hard time making it through the school day.)
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