Bright lipstick. Sequins on glitter on shine. Champagne and dance music. These are (usually) a few of my favorite things. This New Year’s though, I’m just not feeling them.
I like holidays a lot. I’m not one to pass up a chance to dress up like a human disco ball and countdown obnoxiously with a goblet or two of champagne. But on the eve of 2018, I’m planted comfortably on my couch, little dog at my side, sipping on water, and watching a marathon of Impractical Jokers.
I should probably feel guilty about the fact that I’m choosing to spend my last night of 2017 sans friends, sans party atmosphere, and sans real clothing (pajamas for the win), but I really don’t. One of the most important lessons that I learned this year was to stop feeling how I thought I should feel and to start really listening to myself to realize how I was ACTUALLY feeling. I might think I feel inspired and excited to take on a new year, but in truth I actually feel something more like obligation.
I think that starting a New Year has to go one of two ways: you can feel refreshed and energized by the clean slate of the year ahead, and reflect on all the positives of the year you are leaving behind. OR, you can become overwhelmed by all the things you didn’t accomplish, all of the bucket list items still to be done, all of the bad habits you tried to break and failed, and all of the things you still want to do in the year ahead. You can get so preoccupied with kicking off the New Year the “right” way: wearing the perfect outfit, writing out the best resolutions, and deciding exactly which version of you should be present at the moment the clock hits midnight. The expectations on New Year’s can be exhausting! But only if you let them.
2017 was a year of change for me. My husband and I bought our first home and moved to a brand-new (to me) city. I traveled to one new continent and two different countries, learning some important lessons along the way. I left a job that at one point I thought was my lifelong career. As I’ve encountered each of these changes, I’ve learned lessons about myself and found different interests, hobbies, and companies that inspire me.
One of the organizations that I’ve become a huge fan of this year is TWLOHA, or To Write Love on Her Arms. Their mission statement is: “To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire, and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.”
TWLOHA acknowledges that New Year’s Eve can be a turning point for people. Their 2018 New Year’s campaign includes a shirt that says “Welcome to Midnight” on the front. (I know, because I’m currently wearing it with my stylish pajama pants.) There is a beautiful blog post on their website HERE that explains the story behind it better than I ever could, but the main idea seems to be: What do you hope to leave behind in 2017? What do you hope to find in 2018? Change is possible.
These questions seem to be as good as any as I consider where I’m at in this last hour or so of 2017. What do I hope to leave behind? The feeling that I’m not measuring up to expectations: both other people’s and my own, and even the expectations implicit in New Year’s Eve itself. The idea that other people’s opinions of what I’m doing are more important than my own opinion or pride. The fear of judgement of every move I make. That’s what I’m hoping to leave behind.
What do I hope to find in 2018? Well, with 2017 being a year of change, I’m hoping to continue that change in positive directions. I hope to find further happiness, a stronger sense of purpose, and an increase in inspiration for writing. I’d like to find more time for my family and friends, but also more time to figure out what life looks like for me as it keeps evolving. I’d like to find more personal victory, whether it is from meeting challenges, doing things that scare me, or just continuing to write and share my story.
No matter how you are choosing to celebrate this last night of 2017, which I think will prove to have been a challenging and dynamic year for many people for so many different reasons, I wish you happiness and growth in the coming year. May you find what you are looking for and may you have the strength to ask for help when you need it and to give help to others when they do.
What do you hope to leave behind in 2017? What do you hope to find in 2018? No matter what your expectations are for yourself and for the coming year, remember that change is possible.
Happy New Year’s Eve! 
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